Nothing Gold Can Stay
by MJ McCoy
Summary: The first time everything's going perfect in Finn's life, Murphy's Law has to kick in.
1. Chapter 1

It's said that everything happens for a reason.

Maybe the two of them were too young and weren't ready for this, but they had to grow up fast.

They were just barely out of college and they were going to have a baby.

And Finn was finally going to have what he didn't get with Quinn: a _family_. And it was even better this time around because he _loved_ Rachel. With all his heart.

Even though they were young, there was never any doubt in the matter: they were keeping it. They were always going to keep it, a little person that was part her and part him.

The first few weeks after they found out they were absurdly careful with everything they did, terrified the tiniest mistake would harm the baby.

It seemed almost too good to be true: everything had happened at once—college graduation, marriage, baby—bam, bam, bam. Finn almost couldn't believe everything was coming up roses for the first time in his life.

They waited until she was in her second trimester and beginning to show to tell anyone. The chance of miscarriage had dramatically decreased and they wouldn't be able to hide it much longer anyway: Rachel was petite and there wasn't much room on her tiny frame to hide a baby.

They lived in New York, and the closest any of their old friends lived to them was, well, next door. Kurt and Blaine had ended up literally being their neighbors; however, most still resided in Ohio with a few scattered haphazardly about the country.

Rachel drew up a twelve-step plan—PowerPoint, flow chart, the longest list in the history of man and all—and designated Kurt and Blaine the 'dress rehearsal' (or 'test drive' as Finn preferred; he felt it to be more macho) before they had to tell their parents.

Rachel's eyes lit up when she caught the scent of freshly baked cookies upon entering the house. Finn thought she looked slightly demonic (but adorably demonic, he amended).

"Are those cookies vegan?" Rachel asked, attempting to peer around Kurt at a tray of delicious-looking cookies. Finn had already spotted a tray with a sticky note bearing his own name. Kurt was so thoughtful.

"Of course," Kurt said. "We knew you'd drop by eventually. Here, Frankenteen," he added, handing Finn the 'Finn' tray. "I hope these'll tide you over so you won't eat me out of house and home."

"Hey!" Finn protested. "I don't eat houses! They're too… house-y."

Blaine snorted as he pulled yet another cookie tray from the oven. "You've quite the vocabulary, Finn."

"Thanks," Finn grinned, the sarcasm flying over his head like Halley's Comet flies over earth.

Both Rachel and Finn were silent for a few precious moments as they devoured the cookies. Rachel quickly remembered herself and began to eat more like a lady and less like a voracious teenage boy who hadn't eaten in three hours—well, less like Finn.

"We, uh, we have something to tell you," Finn said around a mouthful of his seventh cookie. Rachel elbowed him, and he swallowed before continuing. "You might want to sit down."

Kurt and Blaine sat down at the table, the latter looking alarmed and the former completely composed.

Finn leaned over to Rachel. "You tell them," he said in his awful attempt at a whisper. Kurt had to squelch the urge to roll his eyes.

"I thought you wanted to tell them," Rachel whispered back. "Fine. Whatever."

She turned her gaze back to Kurt and Blaine, who were waiting patiently and nervously, respectively.

"I'm pregnant," she said bluntly.

Shock darted across Blaine's face, quickly replaced with happiness. Kurt simply smiled smugly.

"That's great!" Blaine exclaimed excitedly.

"Knew it," Kurt said in a sing-song tone. "You're a great actress, Rachel," he said hurriedly, seeing her disappointed expression. "My brother wears his heart on his sleeve. His face is a direct newsfeed to his life."

Finn's hands shot up to cover his face defensively. "No, it isn't," he said weakly, but Kurt's 'bitch, please' look shut him up.

Kurt and Rachel split off to talk about baby stuff (which confused Finn, and, honestly, he couldn't care less about), and Blaine stayed behind with Finn, who was already fiddling with the TV to see if there were any sports games on.

"So when are you and Kurt gonna have kids?" Finn asked suddenly.

"Uh… we can't," Blaine said, obviously questioning Finn's already-doubtful mental health.

"No, I mean like what Rachel's dads did," Finn corrected himself. "With a chicken waster or something."

"Turkey baster!" Rachel called from the kitchen, ignoring Kurt's hushed "_Rachel!_"

"Yeah, that," Finn said, nodding gravely.

"I don't know," Blaine said honestly. "We've never talked about it."

"Well, get cracking," Finn said. "Or turkey basting. I don't want to miss my one shot at being an uncle."

They left shortly after that, mostly because Finn wanted to give Kurt and Blaine time to mull his proposition over and also because Kurt wanted to murder his brother (and his sister-in-law, for that matter; her contribution certainly hadn't helped) for casually discussing how gay people have children with his husband.

That night, Finn buckled on his hard hat (he actually did; Rachel had to pry it off and convince him he would be fine and her dads wouldn't hunt him down for impregnating their little girl) and the two of them phoned their parents.

Finn's mother almost squealed in excitement, and his stepdad offered a few words of congratulations and a promise that his life would never be the same after this.

Rachel's dad gasped in shock before congratulating her, and her daddy informed the couple that their child had better come to Lima and visit its grandparents all the time.

They told the rest of their friends a few days afterward, and then life continued as normal as it could for now.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Finn worked for FDNY, and he'd be gone for twenty-four hours at a time, leaving Rachel alone as there were very few roles both appropriate and safe for a pregnant woman.

He came home early one morning, having been relieved early, and found all the lights on and the doors double-bolted. He thought perhaps Rachel had (foolishly) watched a horror movie, so he went upstairs to check on her.

Finn did not expect finding three lumps in his bed instead of one.

He inspected the heads and realized Rachel was lying between Kurt and Blaine. Why his wife was in bed with his brother and brother-in-law, he wasn't sure.

Finn leaned over Kurt and kissed Rachel's forehead.

"Hey Rach… I see you've been cheating on me," he deadpanned.

"They're gay, Finn," Rachel said, cracking her eyes open. "Don't be jealous."

"She called us at one in the morning terrified that you'd die and she and the baby would be all alone," Kurt added without opening his eyes. "This was the only way we could get her to shut up."

Rachel elbowed him gently, but he only grunted, turning his back on her, intent on returning to sleep.

Finn leaned over and scooped Rachel up. He may or may not have accidently-on-purpose bumped Kurt's head with his elbow in the process.

Rachel giggled. "Waffles, Finn. We want waffles."

"All right," Finn said as he set Rachel down at the table. "Vegan waffles, coming right up."

Rachel hid her face in her hands. "I don't think the baby's vegan. I ate turkey yesterday, Finn. _Turkey_."

Finn laughed. "We've gotta give baby whatever he or she wants, huh? Gotta keep 'em healthy."

Rachel ended up abandoning her vegan diet for the duration of her pregnancy. It practically killed her, but the kid liked meat, just like its father.

* * *

><p>Rachel woke Finn up in the middle of the night with about a month left until her due date.<p>

"We need to go to the hospital," she whispered, a note of anticipation evident in her voice.

"Oh, okay," he said, suddenly wide awake. He scrambled out of bed and hurriedly got dressed, grabbing the suitcase they'd packed in preparation for this very event.

He was freaking out, and Rachel was every kind of calm. Was that normal?

They were admitted straight to the maternity ward when they arrived, and Finn caught his breath enough to call Kurt and Blaine and tell them to get to the hospital. He needed their moral support. And maybe they would bring cookies.

They waited for several hours before Rachel was declared far enough along to be moved to Labor and Delivery. Kurt and Blaine waited outside while Finn went in with Rachel, practically surgically attached to her side.

About halfway through Rachel started to get tired.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispered.

"Yes you can," Finn encouraged her, squeezing her hand. "For me. For you. For our baby. For all three of us."

But suddenly the doctors burst into a flurry of action and told Finn he needed to leave. He refused to leave Rachel, though, and he had to be physically removed.

"I love you, Rachel!" he shouted as they pushed him through the door.

"Love you too, Finn," Rachel said weakly. The last he saw of her, her eyes were wide as she gasped for air.

Blaine and Kurt stood when he emerged, worry evident in their eyes.

"They kicked me out," Finn muttered, beginning to pace furiously. "Something's gone wrong."

He waited, alternately pacing and sitting with his head in his hands.

Eventually a doctor came out, and Finn leapt to his feet.

"We're sorry, Mr. Hudson," the doctor began, "but we were unable to save your wife."

He sank back down in shock, staring at the floor as the doctor rattled on about the complications and treatment and whatever they did that didn't work.

"The baby," he said suddenly. "What happened to our baby?"

"Your son is in stable condition in the NICU," the doctor told him, "but we're keeping an eye on him."

"A boy," Finn whispered. He and Rachel (but mostly Rachel) had decided not to know the gender of their child until the birth, but the surprise seemed bittersweet now.

The two of them had discussed names; Rachel wanted to name a potential son after Finn, but now he found it more appropriate to name him after Rachel somehow.

The name came to him suddenly, as if whispered in his ear by an unseen entity. _Raymond Christopher Hudson_. It fit with what he wanted and with Rachel's requirements. There was one last thing, though, that he had to do before he could leave to meet his son.

"Can I see her?" he asked the doctor quietly.

The doctor nodded briskly, showing him into the room it seemed he had only recently vacated.

Rachel lay still upon the regulation hospital bed, her eyes closed as though she were merely sleeping. She had been cleaned up somewhat, any blood wiped away; a sign of respect for the dead, he supposed.

He picked up her hand. "Rach," he whispered, "you were so afraid of me dying and leaving you and the baby alone. But now— the tables have been turned. Irony, isn't that what you called it? I know it's not your fault. I just kind of need someone to blame, I guess. You look so peaceful just lying here— and I feel like you'll wake up at any moment. Rach— please. Come back. We need you. _I_ need you. Please. Just— just open your eyes. I only want to see you smile one more time. Please—"

His voice broke, and he abandoned his fruitless pleas in favor of sobbing brokenly.

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, you can't leave us like this. You _can't_. It doesn't happen. Not to you. Not to me. Not to _us_. Come back, Rachel! Come _back!_"

Finn was vaguely aware of arms wrapping around his torso and pulling him away from Rachel. He cast a solitary glance back at Rachel beseechingly, as if he thought she might arise from her deathbed and speak to him, smile at him with her mouth and eyes and heart. But her eyes stayed closed, her chest did not rise with newfound breath, and her hand remained cold and limp as it slipped from his own and came to rest dangling from the bed.

The other person— Finn was too distracted to even think of trying to figure out who they were— pulled him out of the room and the door shut with an air of finality.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p>

Thank you all for your feedback and alerts; it really means a lot to me.

-MJ


	3. Chapter 3

The arms released him and Finn hazily noted they belonged to Kurt as he caught his breath and scrubbed the tears from his face with his fist.

"I want to— I want to see my son," Finn said softly.

"Before the doctor left he told us where the baby was in the NICU," Kurt told him. "You can get a birth certificate there. Normally you'd have filled it out earlier, but these are— _special_ circumstances."

Kurt laid a gentle hand on Finn's arm and led him toward the NICU, Blaine following silently.

They stood outside the window of the NICU, looking in on rows upon rows of tiny, sickly babies.

"There," Kurt said quietly, pointing at a sleeping baby wrapped in a blue blanket and capped with a matching hat. The placard attached to the baby's crib read 'BABY HUDSON'.

A nurse came out and looked at the three men.

"Which one is yours?" she asked, aware of the somber aura hanging about the group.

"Baby Hudson," Finn said, indicating his son. "I need to fill out the birth certificate."

The nurse disappeared but returned just as quickly with a certificate. The time of birth and height and weight were already filled out, and a sticky note affixed to the top read 'HUDSON'.

'RAYMOND CHRISTOPHER HUDSON,' Finn wrote. His hand shook as he filled in his own name. He saw then the blank for the mother's name, and grief overtook him once more.

Kurt pulled the certificate from Finn's weak grasp and wrote in 'RACHEL HUDSON (DECEASED)'.

Out of the corner of his eye Finn noticed Kurt sniffling and blinking rapidly, and was comforted by the thought that he was not the only one affected by Rachel's untimely death, as well as touched that Kurt was trying to hold it all together and stay strong for him.

The nurse told Finn he was required to wear scrubs and wash his hands thoroughly before he was allowed to enter the NICU, and he performed the tasks mindlessly, focused entirely on the little being waiting out there for him.

He shuffled over to his son and took a seat, pushing a finger through a small hole in the side of the plastic box the baby lay in.

"Hey, Ray," Finn whispered.

Ray's tiny hand twitched, then slowly curled around his father's finger. Finn's breath hitched, and all his attention focused on this tiny person that was part him and part Rachel.

Ray had Rachel's nose, Finn noted, and his hair— Ray's stuck up in the front the same way Finn's did.

Suddenly, Ray began taking shallow, rapid breaths.

"Nurse?" Finn called, panicked.

A nurse rushed over and began tinkering with whatever machines Ray was hooked up to.

But as Finn watched, Ray opened his deep blue eyes and looked right at his father before letting out a slow, shuddery breath and moving no more.

"No, no, no no no no no," Finn gasped. This couldn't be happening again. Not when he was just beginning to think he would be able to heal and move past this.

The nurse administered CPR for several minutes and more nurses and doctors arrived to assist her, but the heart monitor remained flat, silent, and unchanged.

"Not him, too," Finn mumbled weakly, stumbling out of the NICU. He needed to get out of this hospital where he'd lost so much.

He pushed past Kurt and Blaine, ignoring their attempts to stop him. As he walked, he pulled off the scrubs blindly, not caring where they landed.

It was raining outside, and the freshwater rain mixed with his saltwater tears in a watery concoction tainted with his emptiness and pain.

He walked home; it was only a few miles away. He opened the door and stood there, just looking at the time capsule of a house, preserving the memories of times before, happier times.

Finn passed the kitchen, where a half-eaten cold piece of toast waited for someone who would never come back and an oven would languish for ages, as the now-only inhabitant had never learned how to use it.

He passed the living room, with its his-and-her armchairs; the laundry room, where piles of their clothes lay in the washer; and their bedroom, where too many happy memories waited for him like tiny daggers to remind him of what had been.

Then he came to the room at the end of the hall, its walls painted a sunny yellow full of hope and promise; a crib sitting expectantly, filled with stuffed animals, waiting for the precious cargo that would never be delivered. Finn sat in the middle of the room and cried.

Alone. That's all he was and all he would ever be. Alone.

* * *

><p><strong>I thank you all for the feedback, alerts, and favorites; they really make my day.<strong>

**I apologize in advance for any medical mistakes; I used mainly my parents' stories of my own premature birth and my father's many years working as an EMT as references. I myself have no medical knowledge beyond a single class I took as a freshman in high school.  
><strong>

**This was another one for a prompt on the angst meme. I seem to spend too much time there.**

** -MJ**


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